1) When she still has – and displays – her entire stuffed animal collection.
Then she brings her favorite one to bed with her every night.

2) When she writes you love poetry so awful it wouldn’t qualify for the back of a
cereal box.
And she writes you every day.
 
3) When, in answer to your every utterance, she replies, “I was just about
to say that.”
But you never say that to her.

4) When you start noticing her using words like “perky,” “sassy” and… “spunky.”
 
5) When she can actually call you her soul mate with a straight face.
Frequently.
 
6) When she says, “I’ve never done this before” right before performing
some exotic bedroom acrobatics like a trained Olympian.
 
7) When she claims you’ve been together before in past lives.
 
8) When she refuses birth control on the grounds it’s counter to your destiny.
  Which is to have a child who will save the world.
 
9) When she constantly gives you gifts of clothing, and it finally dawns on you
that you’re a makeover project.
 
10) When you catch your reflections in a mirror, and both of you
are looking at her.
 
11) When she secretly checks your computer to read your emails and then
has the nerve to get mad at who you’ve written to.
 
12) Then she tries to forbid you from communicating with anyone you’ve ever
slept with in your entire life, effectively paring your address book down to
fifteen people.
 
13) When she sends “friendly” emails to your ex-wife on Christmas and
Valentine’s Day.
 
14) When she starts keeping you awake at night with a litany of your faults,
all of which were already in evidence when she first met you.
 
15) When she starts hitting. Choking is also an attention-getter.
 
16) When she starts staying out till late at night with friends.
  And she never answers her cell phone.
 
17) When she informs you she’s moving out temporarily in order to
get herself back together.
Then she asks you for a loan to buy a condo.
 
18) When she tells you that she’s found a younger, less complicated version
of you.